August 15, 2008

JNN News Flash: Tampholio Dead


JNN has confirmed at 7:15 EST this morning USDA officials along with Argentinean police, volunteers from the Wisconsin Dairy Association and the Texas Cattle Consortium tracked and killed the notorious bovine violator Tampholio in Argentina. Tampholio has been on and off the USDA’s most wanted list for 10 years and has rampaged across two continents leaving in his wake millions of dollars of damage. His most costly desecration was stopping all mike production in Wisconsin for weeks after he broke out of a maximum security prison and went on a four week herd raping storm. Although he was caught several times he always managed to escape catching the guards with there pants down. He was last detained in Guantanamo Bay and during his escape he hide in the rectum of a prisoner that was released.

Caption Contest


Well I guess it’s time for another caption contest. This week’s prize is a slightly chewed chicklet. So ladies and the rest of you do your worst.

Week in Review


File under Week 33 of 2008.

T-man Latz. An 8 year old guitar prodigy. Eight.

I enjoyed the asswhuppin of the armed robber in this video. Note how the older gentleman moves in and out of the picture, then at then end, gets in a couple of good kicks. Here is a story about another old man, Uncle Fidel who will soon be older and dead.

I also enjoyed this story about an aged garden Gnome that was stolen away for some adventure.

Russia decided to re-assimilate the country of Georgia this week. Resistance was futile.

A very young giant inflatable dog turd caused some havoc in Switzerland. I nearly giggled just typing that.

While not dated this week, DaneBramage sent me this story this week about Alabama Football Coach Nick Saban, the most powerful coach in sports. I am getting excited about football, even though the summer seems to have gone way too fast.

The best comment I saw this week came from the Washington Post who had a story about the Clinton Campaign memos. The comment said: “Hillary supporters, let your voice be heard in November! A vote for McCain is a vote for Hillary”! Just think, only 81 days until the election. Yee ha.

From the I Hate It When That Happens files comes this story about vampire bats killing folks in Venzuela. May one get to Hugo Chavez soon.

As for headlines this week, I think you would be hard pressed to beat this one: Mad Cow Rules Hit Sperm Banks’ Patrons. At least they were hit with any product they didn’t want. The story is somewhat fascinating as well. What, do they have like a catalog you browse, then pay up for a vial of baby batter?

From the files of Milli Vanilli and “who the fuck cares” comes this story about a lip synching 7 year old and this story about how they used computer graphics at the opening ceremonies of the Olympics. They were spectacular and I am certain that Mayor Dailey was shitting himself wondering how we can top that if Chicago gets the nod for the 2016 games. Frankly, who cares if they faked half of the stuff? Even the half that wasn’t faked was amazing. London will be hard pressed to top it in 2012 and I hope they are getting started.
Also in Olympic news, Phelps. Six. Liukin, gold. Nuf said.

Here is a bit of news to which both McCain and Obama (and the rest of the crusty old bastards in Federal Government) should pay attention. I think we could solve many of the fiscal problems in this country if we could get corporations to pay their taxes and thus limit the burden on individuals.

Fucktards this week:
Ria Ramkissoon who starved her 19 month old son to death. How could she? Answer: A cult. Bullspit.
Pauline Harpin, 70, and son Paul Harpin, 41. The names alone should get them nominated, but the story is disgusting.
John “Two Americas” Edwards. I mentioned last week that he is a lying cheat. His lies are catching up with him rapidly. He was certainly living two lives in America; one with his cancer ridden wife and the other with his whore girl-toy. Like she didn’t know he was married?
Forming Bloomington, IL cop Jeff Pelo makes a return visit as a FOTW. Rot dude. Just rot. You should be able to get that done in the next 440 years or so.
Police are looking for this middle aged guy who claimed to be a “porn inspector”. Sounds like a great job for ConspiracyDude, if only it was true.
Raymond Daniel Thurmond who held his entire family, of varying ages, hostage in a single wide mobile home for years. What a sick bastard.
Jennifer Lynn Rosenberg is a Fucktard for having her 12 year old drive her to a bar in Texas.
Timothy Dale Johnson of Searcy, Arkansas who was 50 years old. He will not be seeing 51. There are better ways to beat the democrats than shooting them.

Enjoy your freedoms and happy healthy weekends to all.