May 30, 2008

Week in Review

CATAGORIES: WEEK IN REVIEW — FloridaBill @ 6:54 am

File under Week 22 of 2008

Life Tunnel

Notable events of the Week:

We got the pool opened, cleaned, balanced and used it a bit over the Memorial Day weekend. Then the temps dropped thirty or so degrees overnight and we all were wearing winter coats around here again. I freakin HATE global warming.

The Phoenix lander arrived on Mars. We watched the live feed from the JPL lab in Pasadena. Way cool. I get a kick out of the project manager’s name: Fuk Li. I wonder if he has any sisters? By then end of the week, the had all the glitches worked out.

Horrific weather continued in the Midwest. Hot, cold, tornadoes, what’s next? An entire town in Minnesota was nearly blown away (also a feel-good insurance story).

Speaking of being blown away, I hate it when this happens.

This guy apparently wanted to get blown, but ended up trying to kill his wife on their honeymoon. Can you say Fucktard?

Although also on the lines of being “blown”, this thoroughly disgusted me. I mean W. T. F.? Anyone guilty of this behavior is beyond a Fucktard. They are trash and should be incinerated.

This headline kinda grossed me out too, but in a different way. I wonder how he learned he could squirt milk from his eyes? Yuck.

Other great headlines:
UFO Blows Up Over Vietnam
“Monkeys Control Robots With Their Minds“ (with some editorial license)
I am sure the Vatican has people shaking in their boots with this headline: Vatican sends threat over women priests

Watch out for the trains in Italy. They are robbing, drugging and killing people.

This had to be really bad news for the asses of the astronauts (not that they ARE asses mind you) on the International Space Station. Their toilet is broke. What a crappy thing to happen. What does one do when their loo is on the fritz in space? I am certain they are all pissed. (Oh behave!)

This site is most worthy of your inspection and time.

In the world of Anti Fucktardary: Sharkelia Taylor (her parents are Fucktards for naming her Sharkelia). In yet another tale that involves both Fucktardary and Anti-fucktardary is this one about a store clerk (the Anti-Fucktard) and a thief, Marc Antoine Stovall (the Fucktard). Both had guns! It seems that lead may be both the source of all Fucktardary on the planet and the cure….

Happy healthy weekends to all.

6 responses to “Week in Review”

  1. Yarbz says:

    Our pool has been open for two weeks. We have not been able to get in yet cuzza it’s too cold. Looks nice though…

    Mars lander better start finding hot alien beings if we’re gonna fund another. Is it true that Martian women have three boobs and they’re always pert? Maybe we should ask Fuk Li?

    I would not want to live in a tornado zone… I would like to drive a tank into one though to see if it can take it…

    Word has it that Michel Fournier cried like a kid when his balloon got away. Dude, STFU. You’re life was probably saved. Now go get drunk.

    Jose Cuervo should get a beating in prison. This time he’ll he the one who gives the blow job and there ain’t gonna be no saying ‘no’ either! He can look forward to that…

    Ever since the Catholics started purging their ranks of child doers, they have been volunteering to be aid workers apparently… Nothing a sharp meat cleaver can’t fix though.

    I want to squirt gasoline from my eyes and into my tank… dude, it makes you wonder how he figured this thing out?

    “Monkeys Control UFO’s Over Vietnam While Fondling Female Priests” is the best headline.

    …and then offered them two cappuccinos with drugs…” “do you want some Cappuccinos with drugs?” “Sure!” replied the olt mahn…

    Why can’t they just stick their butts out the window and let the poop float out into space? Or maybe they can just poop in their space pants…

    Pat Dollard is God… Pat Dollard is God (With due respect to Charlton Heston)

    RIP Sharkelia (WTF kinda name is that… Seems the black community is just making shit up)… I want to name my kid Boof Karneyclomper…

    “Hi guard, I’m the new employee here at Fort Knox. I am supposed to take this gold out for an appraisal, K?”

    Johnnie Cochran: If you’re kid’s exposed to lead you’d be best to make him dead!”

  2. FloridaBill says:

    Thank you for the comprehensive and insightful comments.

    Pool always looks better without cover and leafage on it.

    I doubt you’d do well even in a tank with a F-5 Guster and 200 MPH winds. You would get spanked in the tank. I think there have been tornadoes in all 50 US States.

    With a name like Jose Cuervo, you would think he could just look at wimmen, get them instantly inebriated and get a beej whenever the mood struck him.

    Catholics don’t allow meat clevers. You can get excommunicated for even thinking about one.

    I think that spurtin gas from your eyes would sting. A lot.

    Cappucino IS a drug.

    The Asstronuants are worried about space turds hitting the solar panels and making them all shitty.

    Heston is dead. Long live Pat Dollard.

    If Sharkelia had lived and married your imaginary kid, she would be Sharkelia Karneyclomper Yarbz and would probably work at Fort Knox as a gold appraiser after being exposed to toxic amounts of lead in the fake gold bars they keep there and dream of sex with Johnny Cochran’s rotting corpse and joining an uncontacted Wackahoohoo tribe.

  3. sloel says:

    Is the eye milk squirtin’ Chinaman a Fuktard? I say no.

  4. FloridaBill says:

    He is not; just a weirdtard.

  5. Trench says:

    If that was a real life tunnel it would feel, smell, and look different.